I’d like to write to young women about dating from a single man’s perspective. As I began outlining tips for this article, I remembered many times and experiences from my own recent dating. My points then became more of a “don’t do” list, but I feel compelled to share them with girls so they know what just doesn’t work with a man. And you’ll be more certain that he’ll call you again.
If some of the points I’ll discuss seem obvious to you, congratulations, you’re a better dater than most other girls. But these things did happen to me so it tells me that a lot of girls out there have more to learn.
Girls, when on a date, don’t constantly be on your cell phone. That is such a rude distraction and is immature. Don’t keep calling your girlfriends to tell them you’re on a date with whomever. And don’t keep getting the phone when it rings. I’ve had dates answer their phone over dinner, in the middle of a meaningful conversation, and twice at the movies. Turn your phone off, or if you’re expecting an important call, look at the number before you pick up. One girl had to answer her phone four times as I was trying to share a margarita with her. I finally gave up and tried to leave; however, she grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let me go.
Give the man your undivided attention. This will make him feel good about you and himself. At a restaurant, don’t start making chatty conversation or flirt with the waiters or guests at other tables. Waiters do a great job, but I’m not there for my date to become their best friend. If you absolutely have to talk to everyone you see, go out by yourself, not with a date.
Never ask a man if he kisses on the first date. That will put pressure on him and make him feel obligated. Let things happen naturally. He may want to kiss you. I once went on a date with this girl who asked me. Since I was taken aback I answered “no,” even though I would have kissed her. Needless to say, the ride home was awkward and the mood was spoiled.
This next point I’ve seen written in so many dating articles and magazines but girls just don’t listen. After a few dates, even if you really like him, don’t ask him to commit to you. Don’t pressure him or he will run. I made the mistake of kissing (for a long time) a girl on a second date and she then told me I had to call her every week, and that the following weekend we had to see a movie, and that I couldn’t just ask her out once a month. I eventually got angry with her demands and broke-off from her. Let the man be the pursuer. He needs to decide if he wants to call or see you again. I know this is rough for many girls in their thirties, but it’s the game that has to be played.
Ladies, and I use the that term loosely, if you hurry him into romance, be prepared to face the reality that he still might not call you for a while. He’s doing a lot of thinking, and it’s you who rushed him into the romance. Quick romance does not consummate the relationship as he is still free to decide the pace of seeing you. Also, he may think you are easy and seek romance from you with no intention of committing. Be careful here.
Hopefully you’re not one of these girls who are extremely choosy about restaurants or what you eat. One thing that turns a man off is a picky, high-maintenance woman. Unless you can’t stand the place he chooses, it should be fine. If you really hate the place, suggest another, but don’t do this a second time. I had a date once who decided against the first two places we arrived at. She just didn’t like the atmosphere (which was lively) or the menu, or who knows what. Thank goodness the third place was acceptable to her, (even though I had to negotiate with the manager about eating there because some special event was being held).
While on the date, ask him questions about himself. Get to know him. Who knows, you might like him. Don’t go on and on about yourself while he politely nods or says, “mmmhhmm..,” or keeps himself entertained by eating. And girls, this I find very odd, don’t go on forever about how much you love your dog or cat. Don’t pull out pet portraits from your purse as you sip wine. This happened to me at my favorite seafood restaurant, and I figured I couldn’t compete with my date’s pet.
And whatever you do, don’t bring up other men you know on your date. He will read this as lots of competition. Depending on what type of guy he is, he may decide not to jump into the ring to compete, and you’ve just fouled out. He may also think you just want to add him to your list of boyfriends.
Once you’ve gone out with him a few times, continue to be ready when he picks you up. Don’t take him for granted by making him wait outside your door, or in his car for fifteen-plus minutes. I’ve had to stand and wait in the rain which made me wonder why I was even seeing the girl.
If your date is a gentleman, don’t use profanity or sexual terms. He will immediately think you are cheap or not up to his standards, and you’ve fouled out again. I’ve turned a few girls down because of their potty-mouths. I had one lunch spoiled so I didn’t ask her out again.
Another point: I went out with this girl I kind-of liked but she’d call her girlfriends and invite them to drop in on us. If that wasn’t enough, the girls would chatter away with girl-talk which made me wonder if I should leave them alone. The date is supposed to be a special time to get to know each other, not show him off to your girlfriends. And worry about this; what if he takes a fancy to one of them?
Finally, you don’t have to give him a kiss at the end of the date if you don’t want to. Just smile and thank him for a nice time, and if he moves in, just give him your cheek. That’s still a sweet, cordial way to say thank you.
Don’t rummage for your keys or fumble at the door as if you’re desperately trying to run inside, unless you really don’t want to see him again. Many girls will thank a man for the date and turn away to unlock the door so fast. What message are you giving him?
And there you have it; my list of “don’ts” which I’ve experienced with various girls. Hopefully I will meet a nice young lady that has read enough dating articles like this one and knows the man’s perspective. When I do meet her, I hope I won’t do any of her “don’ts.”
